your parents love me but you hate me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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