I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
