It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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