ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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