I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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