His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
