I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
