someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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