well I can't set my house on fire every night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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