maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You took a bar mat shot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
