he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
