dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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