What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
