He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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