it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize