is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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