yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
