im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
