Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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