Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
false alarm, still single
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
