It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Randomize
