His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
