Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Damn victory sex feels great
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