why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
