dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
