Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would fuck him just for his dog
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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