Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
