Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
