I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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