I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to sanitize my soul.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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