So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
