2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let's paint friendship bongs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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