i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
