U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
