conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
