escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
