we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
