he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
