I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize