Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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