you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize