went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
