I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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