can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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