She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize