dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
