I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
