FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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