a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Panties = found
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