The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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