Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
