We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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