She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
