is your mom at the bar?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
