I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
