So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your cock deserves a montage
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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