oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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