i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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