oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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