So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
