It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
