We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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