started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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