grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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