I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
