the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
