You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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