He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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