I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
as a side note pls kill me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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