I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
