I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
