Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
