They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
