And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
