He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
